


Never to Return

by Sangerin



Series: The Returning Saga [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-08-01
Updated: 1999-08-01
Packaged: 2017-10-09 01:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rather than asking endlessly for reports, Janeway had tied her own console into B'Elanna's, and at each Klingon curse her eyes would flick to the list of failing systems. Chakotay, meanwhile, was monitoring everything else on the ship – or so it seemed to him. Even Neelix was sending morale reports every few hours, reports that Chakotay could do without. Because they all said the same thing – the crew was under stress. (Originally posted August 1999)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never to Return

The bridge was quiet; almost too quiet. Harry and Tuvok were glued to their sensor readings – Harry, at times, had to remind himself to blink. Tom, too, scanned every little blip that worked its way onto his screen at the conn. The silence was occasionally broken by a mumbled Klingon curse from B'Elanna at the Engineering station, as yet another system began to fail. Rather than asking endlessly for reports, Janeway had tied her own console into B'Elanna's, and at each curse her eyes would flick to the list of failing systems. Chakotay, meanwhile, was monitoring everything else on the ship – or so it seemed to him. Even Neelix was sending Morale reports every few hours, reports that Chakotay could do without. Because they all said the same thing – the crew was under stress, the crew was not relaxing.

Well, they couldn't relax. Not yet.

A commotion behind them caught Janeway and Chakotay's attention. Tuvok and Harry were each huddled over their consoles, communicating in furious whispers.

"Please, Gentlemen, let us in on this discussion, will you?"

Tuvok straightened as he heard Janeway's request. "I apologise Captain. We did not wish to bother you with what may be merely trivial.'

'Please.' That was all she said. It was enough.

Tuvok launched into a report. 'Sensors appear to show a small system within a few hundred light years. Initial scans indicate the possible presence of deuterium, dilithium, and a number of the materials Voyager is in need of.'

Janeway looked back at her Tactical Officer with a ghost of a smile on her face. 'And you call that trivial?'

Torres, however, was not taking things lightly. 'The possible presence, you said? You don't know?' She bit her lip, realising she was in danger of losing her temper.

Janeway knew this too, and tried to allay the argument, speaking to Tuvok. 'Thank you, Commander, for that information. Continue the scans. Mr Kim, relay the pertinent information to all bridge stations. Lieutenant,' she turned to Torres, 'is power still sufficient for the sensors?'

'Just, Captain.'

'Keep it that way.' What would, half an hour ago, have been a snapped order from Janeway, was this time delivered with a smile. Harry blinked his eyes, which were watering, and Tom took his eyes from the console long enough to smile back at B'Elanna. Janeway squeezed Chakotay's hand, and her eyes smiled relief.

Captain's Log: We have confirmed that the system we identified half an hour ago does indeed have most, if not all, of the supplies of which we are so desperately in need. It is within a reachable distance, although the ship will remain on current levels of rationing until our arrival. It appears at this time that the system, and the surrounding space, is totally uninhabited. I have requested that Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Kim keep me informed as to the status of this assumption.

'Log ends,' said Janeway and took a sip of coffee. Leaning back on the sofa, she was conscious that next to her, Chakotay was wondering how to frame a question. She turned to him with an upraised eyebrow. 'Something interests you, Commander?'

'Just wondering why lifesigns are so important to you, Captain.'

'I guess I'm just interested to know whether there is anyone in the star system - shore leave is always more interesting on inhabited planets.'

'Oh, yes, it's certainly more interesting. Our chief engineer could be put on trial for her thoughts, Harry could disobey inter-species regulations again, and there's always the possibility that Tuvok will do an illegal deal for space-folding technology.' He grinned.

Janeway grinned back, a little ruefully. 'You have a point. Maybe it would be better if the system really is uninhabited.'

'It would certainly be better for you.'

Janeway turned in her seat. 'And just why might that be?'

'When have you ever taken a proper shore leave on an inhabited planet? You spend all the time being a diplomat, arranging everyone else's shore leave, and forgetting to take any yourself. You spend the entire time being the Captain, and leave no time for being Kathryn. If a planet is uninhabited, then at least there are no governments for you to negotiate with.' Chakotay waited for her reaction.

As usual, she surprised him. 'You know, it would be nice to have another holiday - a real holiday. Time to sleep in, maybe a game of tennis with B'Elanna, go walking in the real outdoors. It sounds very nice, Chakotay.'

'Any time for me in that plan, Kathryn?'

'I think that might be possible,' said Janeway, as she put her coffee cup down and leaned towards him.

The doorchime sounded.

'Damn that thing,' muttered Chakotay under his breath.

'Come in,' said Janeway, with a glance of commiseration at Chakotay as she moved down the ready room couch just a little.

'Captain, Commander! So nice to find you here together,' said Neelix as he bustled into the ready room.

Janeway wasn't in the mood for chit chat with him. 'What did you want to see me about?'

'Ah, yes, well…it appears that there will be an opportunity for shoreleave arising soon. I wondered if I could begin making plans for a sort of…celebration to occur during our time in the system.'

'Since when have you needed my permission to plan a celebration, Mr Neelix? You usually only ask me when you are about to hold these events.'

'Yes,…um, I just wanted to be sure, Captain. Thank you, Captain!' Neelix sped out of the room as though the Kazon were after him.

'Now, what do you suppose he is up to?' Janeway asked.

'Either he's planning something, or he wanted to check out whether or not the gossip was true.'

'Or both,' she replied. 'This is Neelix we're talking about. Well, I'm willing to wait for a while to find out. Now, where were we up to?'

'If anyone rings that doorchime..,' threatened Chakotay. He never managed to finish the sentence.

* * *

B'Elanna and Caitlyn sat opposite each other at a table in the Mess Hall, their eyelids practically propped open. Caitlyn, in fact, had given up the attempt, leaning her head on one hand and letting her eyes drift closed. To each of B'Elanna's mumbled comments she merely grunted. B'Elanna watched her friend from her own drooping eyes. Kit was no more exhausted than anyone else on the ship, but there was something about how it affected her that seemed different to the way that the others showed their exhaustion. Everyone on the ship had been working for three days straight, with only minimal rest, trying to keep the ship going until they found the deuterium and dilithium they needed. And now they'd found it. But, they still had to get the ship to this new system. Kit was due back on duty soon, B'Elanna knew, but she was going to give Kit just a little longer to rest.

'Hi, guys.' Harry dropped a tray on the table and flopped into the seat next to Kit.

'So, are you a little weary, too, Harry?' B'Elanna asked.

'What do you think, B'El?'

Finally, B'Elanna noticed, Kit had started to wake up. Her eyes opened, and when she saw Harry sitting next to her, she straightened up quickly.

'Morning, sleepyhead!' Harry smiled kindly at her.

'Morning, yourself,' replied Kit. She shrugged her shoulders a few times, rolling them around.

'Like a quick neck rub before you go back to duty?' asked Harry.

Suddenly Kit was wide awake. B'Elanna looked on with interest. 'No, thanks Harry. I'd better get back to Sickbay.' She stood up and left the Mess Hall. Harry looked after her with a puzzled expression.

B'Elanna had a fair idea of what was going on, but she knew that if she didn't follow Kit now, and clear things up, she would never know exactly what was going on in Kit's head. 'Sorry, Harry. I've got to go, too.' She went out the door, leaving Harry more confused than ever.

'Kit…, Kit! Wait up!' B'Elanna caught up with Kit as she neared sickbay.

'What is it, 'Lana? I'm on duty as of…' Kit checked a chronometer display on the wall, 'two minutes ago.'

B'Elanna grimaced. 'Well, in that case, I'd better let you go. I know what the Doc can be like if…'

The doors opened and Kit and B'Elanna walked into Sickbay. 'You're late!' the Doc said.

'I know. I'm sorry.'

'You don't look well,' he said, somewhat solicitously, beginning to run a tricorder over Kit. 'Exhaustion. Lieutenant, I can do without you this afternoon. Report back for your next duty shift tomorrow.'

'Doctor, are you sure?'

'I am, Lieutenant. Go.' He turned to B'Elanna. 'And, what are you doing here, Lieutenant Torres?'

'Nothing, Doctor.' She beat a hasty retreat from Sickbay, once again working to catch up with Kit. 'You're not going to run away from me any further, Kit. I want to talk to you, and you've got the afternoon off.'

'Well, what about you?'

'I've still got an hour or so.'

'You should be sleeping, 'Lana.'

'I know, but there's time enough for that when we reach planetfall.'

'Oh, all right - come back to my quarters and we'll talk.'

The two were soon settled in Kit's quarters, Kit with a cup of herbal tea, B'Elanna with a Raktajino. 'So, 'Lana, what did you want to talk about?'

'I want to know what is going on inside your head, Kit.'

'Excuse me?'

'Harry?'

That one word was all it took. Kit blushed. 'Am I that obvious?'

'Not to Harry. He's absolutely bewildered.'

'Thank goodness! I can't let him know about this.'

'Why ever not?'

'Because of Libby.'

'What on earth does Libby have to do with this?'

'You mean apart from the obvious thing about Libby being Harry's girlfriend, my best friend, and me being the one who fixed them up?'

'Okay, but we're light years away from her. Surely that doesn't matter as much out here. Besides, for all we know, Libby is with someone else by now. And you can't exactly say that Harry has stayed faithful to her, can you?'

'But do you know how many times I've been close to killing him for his little escapades? For Libby's sake,' Kit finished hurriedly.

B'Elanna looked over at her friend. That probably was what she believed, but B'Elanna thought that there was more behind that comment than merely protecting her best friend. 'So how long has it been, Kit?'

Kit closed her eyes and leant her head back on the sofa. 'I don't know - but, I guess I realised about a month ago.'

'Neelix's Valentine's Day party,' said B'Elanna with understanding. 'So that's why you left early!'

'It was all I could do to stay until the Captain and Commander Chakotay left. I just didn't want to be there. I wanted to get away from him, so there was no way that he could work out what I was feeling.'

'Kit, you're not going to like me saying this, but I still don't understand why you won't let Harry know how you feel. It's not as though there are still the strict rules against fraternization, you know.'

'It's lucky there aren't - you wouldn't be married, and this ship wouldn't have its juiciest pieces of gossip coming from the ready room!'

'Speaking of which, did you hear what Neelix had to say? Apparently…' B'Elanna let the subject of Harry drop, and they gossiped for a few more minutes before Kit fell asleep on the sofa. B'Elanna draped a rug over her friend, and then left quietly, going back to Engineering to be confronted with more technical difficulties.

* * *

First Officer's Log: Despite continuing system failures over the past few days, we have arrived safely at the small star system, which will, we hope, provide us with many much-needed supplies. The system has proven to be, as we suspected, uninhabited. To the relief of the crew in general, Captain Janeway has delayed the deployment of work teams by one day. Neelix has planned a small gathering tonight, and work will begin late tomorrow. The entire crew is looking forward to tonight's celebration, at the end of a very stressful period for us all.

Even Chakotay, never much of a socialiser, was anticipating a good evening as he and Tom strolled down the corridor towards the transporter room. The years of the voyage, and an unspoken, but nonetheless shared admiration for Kathryn Janeway had done much to improve the relationship of the two men.

'So, where's B'Elanna?'

'Meeting me down there. She's been spending a lot of time with Kit McBride lately. They went down as soon as B'Elanna went off duty.'

'McBride was on medical leave a day or so ago, wasn't she?'

'Exhaustion, B'El said.'

'Kit and the rest of the crew. If I didn't know better, I'd say the Doc was playing favorites!'

'But you do know better,' Tom smiled. 'No, from what B'El said, there was a fair bit of mental stress at play as well. And before you ask, no, I don't know why. My wife doesn't tell me everything, you know!' Laughing, they stepped onto the transporter pads and were beamed down.

When they materialised, they stared at the land around them. 'It's so…incredible!' said Tom in a hushed voice. Chakotay nodded. Spread out before them was a carpet of green grass, running down to a lake. On each side of the broad meadow in which they stood were forests, the trees lush and green. In the distance were rolling hills, and further away, rugged mountains, capped with snow. Where the grass met the lake, Neelix was setting up for his celebration - some sort of beach party, they had been told. B'El and Kit, Tom noted, were certainly taking Neelix at his word, and were cavorting in the lake, splashing and laughing.

'Well,' said Chakotay, as though only just regaining his breath. 'It looks as though Kit has lost some of her stress, at least.'

'Yes…' replied Tom, beginning to move towards the lake. He called back over his shoulder to Chakotay, 'I think I'll go join them.'

Chakotay remained where he was, drinking in the beauty of the place. He heard a transporter beam behind him, and turned to see Kathryn materialising. She, too, stood for a moment, stunned by the scenery.

'Nice, isn't it?' asked Chakotay, casually.

'Nice? Try marvellous! I wish I'd come down sooner.'

'I don't.'

'Oh, really? Why not?'

'Because I came down here with Tom, and if you and I had come down together, he would have noticed something.'

Kathryn smiled. 'And there's enough gossip going around the ship as it is.'

'Exactly.' Nonetheless, he put an arm around her shoulders as they stood surveying the scene.

'Commander, if you don't stop playing with my hair, even Harry will notice that something is going on,' said Kathryn, swatting his hand away.

'Perhaps we should join the party.'

'That might be safer,' Kathryn agreed.

More crew members were arriving every minute, making their way down to the lakeshore. Tom and Sam and Naomi Wildman had joined B'Elanna and Kit in the lake, in what was working up to be a huge waterfight. Seven was standing by the edge of the lake, oblivious both of the splashes, and of her crewmates encouragement for her to join them. There were two tents set up as changing rooms - no one had really felt like beaming down in swimsuits, even though the entire point of the evening was to swim. Kathryn soon emerged from one of the tents, and, with a towel over her arm, walked tentatively toward the shore.

'Come on, Captain,' yelled Tom. 'This is great fun!' As if in testament to that, he disappeared under water. B'Elanna jumped up a second later, and began swimming away as fast as she could. Tom emerged from the water with a yell. 'I'm going to get you, B'El!'

'Do I dare go anywhere near them?' Kathryn asked.

'Oh, I wouldn't worry, Captain,' said Kit, who had come out of the water, avoiding the Torres-Paris battle. 'They only attack each other. The rest of us are relatively safe.' There was another shout from the lake as Naomi began splashing Sam vigorously. 'Well, except from Naomi.'

'Well, I think I can handle a waterfight with an eight year old,' laughed Kathryn. 'Come on, Kit, let's go and rescue Sam.' Like two children, Kit and Kathryn ran down into the water, and began splashing Naomi for all they were worth. Emerging from the men's changing tent, Chakotay watched the antics of a substantial majority of the crew. Somehow, though, he couldn't drag his eyes away from Kathryn for very long.

He saw Harry sitting on the grass, watching the fun. As Chakotay approached, he noticed the look on Harry's face, and something in his expression struck a chord. 'Not joining in, Harry?'

'In a while, maybe.'

'They're having fun.'

'Yeah…' The words drifted off, but then he seemed to pull himself together again. 'Look at Naomi. Such a cute kid.' Kit was spinning the girl around, water spraying up when her toes hit the surface of the lake.

'Everyone on the ship loves her.' For a moment or two, both men watched Kit, Naomi, Kathryn and Sam play. Then Chakotay stood up. 'I'm going in. Don't sit out here for too long, Harry.'

Harry smiled, and Chakotay left him to his reverie.

With Tom, Chakotay and Joe Carey all in the lake, things started to get a little rambunctious. Kit, and Naomi, however, were having the time of their lives. Kathryn noticed that the ghostly look of the past few days was gone from Kit's face, and she was grateful for that. She also noticed that B'Elanna was getting tired, so she worked her way around to B'Elanna's side.

'How about we take a break from all this, B'Elanna? I think we need to have a chat.'

'Of course, Kathryn.' The two women collected their towels from the sand and sat down. B'Elanna sighed. 'I think I'm still a bit tired for all this.'

'I think we all are,' replied Kathryn. 'But the exercise will be good for us in the long run. I wanted to talk to you about Kit, actually. She hasn't been herself lately.'

'I know, Kathryn, but I really don't think I can tell you about it. It's personal.'

'Is she all right?'

'She's getting there. I think today has helped a lot. But, Kathryn…' B'Elanna paused.

'Yes?'

'If you could, well, make sure that she doesn't have to have much to do with Harry Kim. That would help.' Kathryn raised her eyebrows, but B'Elanna rushed on. 'Next time we talk about it, I'll ask Kit if she'd mind you knowing. I don't think she would. She likes you, as a friend, you know. But I can't tell you without asking her.'

'Well, just as long as she isn't making herself unwell. I know we've all had a stressful time recently, but she's been taking it worse than everyone else. She's a talented young officer - I wouldn't want anything to spoil that for her.'

'Don't worry, Kathryn. I'm keeping an eye on her, and so is the Doc, as far as health goes.'

'I'm sure he is. He thinks a lot of her, and so do I.'

For a while they just sat, soaking in the sun. B'Elanna watched Kit frolic in the shallows with Naomi. Harry got up and headed towards the water, saying hello to Kit briefly as he passed her on his way to join the men. B'Elanna saw Kit's slight frown. Kathryn saw it too, and raised her eyebrows at B'Elanna. B'Elanna just shrugged. There wasn't really anything she could say.

But Kathryn got up. 'Come on, B'Elanna. That's enough rest. We should give Kit a hand with the little munchkin.' And once more, Kathryn headed into the lake.

* * *

The next morning, work began on re-stocking Voyager. B'Elanna headed one team collecting dilithium, Chakotay another gathering deuterium. Neelix and Caitlyn were in charge of a third, finding and gathering food supplies. The Doctor had elected to remain on the ship, but had insisted that Caitlyn accompany Neelix, to ensure that any foodstuffs collected were actually fit for humanoid consumption. On seeing the duty roster set up in this way, Kathryn had promptly transferred Harry to B'Elanna's team, keeping up her end of the bargain with B'Elanna.

When the teams came back to the ship at the end of the first day, Kathryn could have sworn there was a change in the atmosphere on the ship. It wasn't just the fact that they knew they would survive - that had been evident the day before at the party. But there was something else, that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

She had begun to think that her supposed intuition was failing her, when Chakotay mentioned the change at dinner. After months of dinners in quarters, they were enjoying a slightly more public, yet still intimate, dinner in the corner of the mess hall.

'There's something different in the air tonight,' said Chakotay.

'So you feel it too?' asked Kathryn. 'I was beginning to think I was going crazy.'

'You, Kathryn? Never!'

'But seriously, Chakotay…'

'Seriously? There's a definite change. I noticed it with my team down on the planet today.'

'Any suspicions as to why? Because I've been racking my brains.'

Chakotay smiled, but didn't comment directly. 'I think it has something to do with the planet, Kathryn. It's so…well, so home-like. Not just Earth-like, because for a lot of us, Earth isn't home. But home-like, certainly.'

Kathryn bit her lip slightly, then smiled. 'And where does it remind you of?'

'It isn't a matter of the geography. It's just a beautiful planet, and it almost seems to be welcoming us. Everyone on the team commented on it today. It seems to have everything we need, and there are so few complications with collecting the materials.'

'You make it sound as though the whole situation were too good to be true! You aren't suggesting some kind of trap, are you?' Kathryn laughed, but still looked a little worried.

'No, nothing of the sort. All I'm saying is…I haven't seen a planet I liked more since New Earth.'

'Well that's certainly saying something.' And Kathryn changed the subject.

Personal Log of Kathryn Janeway: There's something about this planet that is affecting everyone. Tom seems to have named it 'The Pantry', and although I can't accept that designation officially, even I'm using the name to refer to this place. It isn't going to be easy to distract people from this place - everyone is talking about the beauty of the land, and its many resources. By the time we leave, we will be stocked for the next two years, which is a wonderful prospect. If it were possible, I'd say that the arms of The Pantry had opened wide to greet us. Or maybe, to convince us to stay.

'It's like some kind of virus,' Kathryn complained to B'Elanna during a work-out session. 'One person starts thinking about staying here for ever, and then the next person is infected. Then the next, and the next.' The red face she showed to B'Elanna wasn't simply due to the exertion of exercise.

'Well, Kathryn, what do you expect? We've been out here for almost ten years - your determination can only fire the crew for so long.'

'You're lucky I'm treating this as just between friends, B'El.'

'I know. Otherwise I'd be quaking in my boots. But do you admit that I might have a point?'

'I guess so.'

'It is a beautiful planet. Have you been down since the water-fight?'

'No, but speaking of that…'

'You're avoiding the issue, Kath.'

'As hard as I possibly can. But what I was going to say was, have you spoken to Kit lately?'

'Yes, and I told her we were going to be working out tonight. She said she'd come along, and we can discuss the whole thing together.'

'Well, I hope she turns up soon, because I'm about ready for a sauna.'

From the doorway, Kit spoke. 'Just what I wanted to hear!'

B'Elanna agreed. 'Let's hit the sauna, ladies. I've been saving up energy rations all week for this.'

As Kathryn disentangled herself from the gym equipment she smiled. 'It was a brilliant idea of yours to install the thing, Kit.'

'It's just a little piece of Minnesota, installed for my own benefit, Kathryn. But if others enjoy it, that's all for the better.'

'Especially if the Captain likes it,' said B'Elanna with a grin.

'That is an advantage,' Kit agreed.

'So, Kit,' said Kathryn as the three women headed into the sauna. 'B'Elanna said you had something you wanted to share with us.' The door shut behind them.

* * *

Personal Log of Tom Paris: Well, we've been at The Pantry for two weeks, and for most of that, we've been restocking the ship. The work is as dull as dishwater, but no-one really wants to finish up. I guess everyone's worried that Janeway will want to head off the moment the last container of deuterium is beamed aboard. I don't think she will, though. Strictly between me, B'El, and this datachip, I think Kath is as taken with the place as everyone else. If Chakotay has any sense, and I'm willing to admit that he has, he'll take Kath off for a nice long holiday as soon as the restocking is done. Which should be by tomorrow. Kath won't let it go any longer than that - you can see it on her face. If every storage space on Voyger isn't stuffed full by sundown, heads will roll, and mine will probably be one of them.

I've managed to manoeuvre myself onto Harry's team for tomorrow. B'El, for some reason known only to her dear self, wants me to sound him out on Kit McBride. I mean, come on, B'El. Those two - they're buddies. Besides, every so often I think that poor Harry's heart is still back in San Fran, despite his…well - frequent…jaunts. But, tomorrow will be interesting, no matter what. After that, I hope, will be shore leave for the lot of us.

Tom had been right - the Captain wasn't allowing any slacking off today, and she'd send Chakotay along to make sure that he and Harry actually finished. But, at least he wasn't hindering the conversation. They were almost finished preparing the supplies for transport when Tom started in on B'Elanna's little goose-chase.

'So, Harry, why did you take so long about swimming the other day?' Yeah, so it was a lame beginning. He didn't have much else to go on.

'I was working on my tan.'

Chakotay chuckled. Harry asked, 'Why are you asking this now, Tom? That was over a week ago.'

'Well, I haven't seen you all that much since then. I've mostly been working with Caitlyn and the Doc testing these new food sources.'

'The last time I saw Kit she was practically sleepwalking. But she's alright now, isn't she?'

'Been fine all this week. I thought you two were best buddies, though?'

'Yeah, but it's not like I usually see her all the time. She's usually pretty busy with her Bio-med stuff.'

'She's pretty good at her work, isn't she?'

'And it isn't even her area.' Harry said this quite matter-of-factly, but it obviously surprised Chakotay, who asked a question of his own.

'What do you mean, it isn't her area, Harry?'

'She was at Law School before we ended up out here. Starfleet was paying for her training and she had a place waiting for her with JAG.'

'So how come she was on Voyager?' asked Chakotay.

'She initially trained in bio-med, and because of the long holidays she had from law school, she went back to working in bio-med for the rest of the year. We were only supposed to be gone three weeks, after all.'

'And Voyager has sure needed a bio-med tech more than a lawyer,' said Tom. 'But how did we go for so long without knowing that?'

'Kit never says more than she wants to say,' said Harry, with a shrug. 'I guess she didn't want to advertise the fact.'

'How long have you known her, Harry?'

'Since we were both at the academy. She was the Quad senior my first year.'

'And let me guess,' said Tom, conspiratorially, 'You had a crush on her.'

Harry shook his head and didn't say a thing. Hang on, thought Tom, maybe B'El was on the right track after all… 'Aw, come on Harry. Everyone had a crush on their Quad senior in first year. It's like an Academy tradition, isn't it Commander?'

It was lucky Tom had glanced over at the Commander as he threw out the question - he wouldn't have missed the expression for worlds! Tom couldn't remember seeing a grimace like that since…well, a couple of years ago when someone mentioned Kashyk within the Captain's hearing.

'I honestly can't remember, Tom,' said Chakotay, once he had schooled his twisted features.

'Commander,' said Tom. He wasn't going to let this one go. 'It can't be that long ago. Surely you can remember your Quad senior.'

'Well, you seem to have everything under control.' Ooh, evasion - now, this was getting interesting. 'I think I'd better check up on B'Elanna's team.' Chakotay walked away as though he had always meant to leave right then.

'What was that all about?' asked Harry.

'If only we were back in the Alpha Quadrant and I could get at my sources. There's at least a week's worth of rations in that little performance.'

'You think so?'

'I know so.' But if he didn't get the goods on Harry and Kit, B'El would have his hide. 'Now, about you and your charming first year Quad senior.'

'Oh, give it up, Tom!'

'No way, Harry. This is just as interesting as Chakotay's skeletons.'

'Great, now Kit is a skeleton?'

'So there was something! Give, Harry.'

Harry fixed down the lid on the last container, and programmed the transporter beacon. Then he went and sat down. 'Yeah, okay. I had a crush on Kit in first year. Hey, I was eighteen! She's pretty, smart, and not that much older than me.'

'Like I said, it's natural to get a crush on people like that,' agreed Tom, sitting down next to his friend.

'Kit wasn't impressed by me, the way I remember it. But, she got Libby and me together.'

'I thought you met by accident?'

'When I met Libby, I was such a fool. It took me three weeks to get up the courage to ask her out, and I only asked her in the end because Kit dialed the comm number and sat out of screen, prompting me.'

'She did that? Sounds like she was an older sister to you.'

'Yeah,' said Harry. 'An older sister.'

* * *

The sun filtered through the leaves, dappling on the grass. Kathryn closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun soaking into her skin. She listened to the subdued chirping of a few native birds, and let herself relax. This was a different kind of relaxation to the waterfight, and different again to the work out and sauna with Kit and B'Elanna. This time, she was relaxed because she was away from the ship, and alone. Well, as alone as she thought she ever wanted to be.

She leaned back against Chakotay's chest, using him as a convenient pillow. Lazily, he brushed a blade of grass over her cheek. 'Don't get too comfortable,' he smiled. 'We'll have to head back soon.'

Kathryn opened her eyes and sat up at his words. 'I suppose you just mean heading back to Voyager.'

'That's all I was thinking of at the moment, yes.'

'At the moment.' Kathryn repeated, then sighed. 'Sometimes I hate this job.'

'Come on, Kath. We've still got time. We've got time today, to relax and enjoy ourselves, and we have time before you have to make any decision.'

'But I'm the one who has to make the decision. Again.'

'I've said this to you so many times, Kathryn. You aren't alone, no matter what decisions you have to make. I'm here for you.'

'I know that, Chakotay. But even in all this time I haven't quite overcome my Starfleet training. It's still my responsibility - just like it was back with the '37s, just like it was at the Caretaker's array. It's always going to be on my shoulders.'

Chakotay looked at her for a moment. 'Come here,' he said, opening his arms. Kathryn settled back against him, and he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. 'You might be the Captain of this crew, but you're not going to get rid of me as your best friend.'

'Thank you, Chakotay. That really means a lot to me.' But things were getting a little too serious. Kathryn decided to lighten the mood. 'Of course, I'd have to say that you're more than just a best friend, Chakotay.'

'Really?' he put on a fake look of bewilderment.

'Of course, idiot!' She hit him gently on the arm. In return, he kissed her. But she pulled away. 'I can't just keep putting this decision off, Chakotay. And I'd rather talk it through with you than not. So please, can we just talk?'

'Okay, but I'm not letting go of you.'

'I don't want you to.' Kathryn tried to organise her thoughts. Chakotay waited. Neither of them were in any hurry. But Kathryn was determined to have the discussion. 'Okay - we're in a situation that we've been in many times before. There's a possibility to end all this travelling through space, but it would mean that we would never get home.'

'So far,' said Chakotay, 'it sounds like all those other times we've come up against this possibility. What's making it hard this time?' He knew the answer, of course.

'It sounds appealing. We've been out here for so many years. Sometimes I despair of ever getting back to Earth. And we could be so comfortable here.' As if to confirm that, she snuggled into Chakotay. 'Earth is… It just seems so far away. Are we ever going to get back to the Alpha Quadrant, Chakotay?'

'None of us knows the answer to that, Kathryn.'

'I keep thinking of this planet as offering stability and continuity to us - but would it really? Hasn't our life become fairly stable on Voyager? We've been travelling for so long, we're used to it.'

'Do you want to be "used to" life on board a ship for the next fifty years?'

Kathryn didn't answer, but kept with her own line of reasoning. 'If we had to stay - if we had arrived here and there were no supplies we could use, and we couldn't keep going, I wouldn't even worry about the decision. I'd regret never getting home, never seeing my family. I'd feel for everyone who didn't get to see their loved ones, but I think I could almost be content. But, knowing that we can keep going - that there's nothing stopping us from continuing on our journey. I don't want to deprive anyone of their chance to get back to their families.'

'Can I ask, Kathryn…'

'Yes.' His questions always made things clearer.

'What if every member of the crew came to you and assured you that if you decided to stay, they would have no regrets?'

'I don't think that would happen.'

'But what if it did?'

'I'm not sure I'd believe them. Oh, I know that everyone has created a 'family' of sorts on the ship. Whether it's a partner or a close friendship, everyone has their support networks. But if I'm not totally willing to give up the chance to get home, I can't believe that everyone else would be able to do that.' She stopped again. Chakotay said nothing, for which she was grateful. The light had changed while they had been talking - the trees around them were now bathed in the golden glow of late afternoon. In the silence, Kathryn heard a bird chirping. Its call reminded her of the birds that sang in the trees around her mother's house. There was so much here to remind her of home. She finished the thought out loud. 'Everything that would keep me here is also pushing me to leave.'

'I think most people understand that feeling, Kathryn.'

'B'Elanna said to me that my determination to get home could only last for so long - well, maybe this place can regenerate some of that determination in everyone else.' Kathryn pushed herself out of Chakotay's arms and turned to face him.

He studied her face. 'You've made your decision, haven't you? We're leaving.'

She nodded, a little regretfully. 'But not until everyone has had a week's shoreleave, nor until we've had a good party. I want everyone to have good memories of this place.'

'I guess we'd better make the most of the time we have left, then.'

'I guess so.'

* * *

B'Elanna sat in her quarters, waiting for Tom to get ready. Tonight was their last night at The Pantry, and Kathryn and Neelix had organised a huge Mid-west American lake party. Neelix, of course, had organized most of it, including a few surprises, but Kathryn had wanted to feel involved. Which was how the whole thing had ended up as a lake party. Of course, Kit had a fair bit to do with it as well.

Kit.

What could she do for Kit? B'Elanna wanted everyone to leave here with good memories, but all Kit had was tiredness and worry about Harry.

Then again, B'Elanna didn't think Kit had too much to worry about. Harry had come with Tom and B'Elanna on a hike one day, and once the topic of conversation had turned to Kit Harry had talked on and on. Now, of course, it was only a case of getting Harry and Kit to see sense.

Tom came out of the bedroom, all dressed for the party. He took one look at B'Elanna's face and groaned theatrically.

'And just what is that for, Tom?'

'That look on your face, B'El - you're matchmaking again, aren't you?' B'Elanna simply smiled at him. 'Alright, who's in your sights this time, devil. Kath and Chakotay?'

'Somehow I don't think those two need my help, Tom.'

'Really - you'll have to tell me about it.' Tom thought for a moment, and then, 'No! You're not planning something for Harry and Caitlyn, are you? B'El, don't do it!'

'I thought you admitted that I was right about Harry.'

'I haven't conceded that yet. But even if you are right, don't do anything yet. Harry feels enough of a fool already - your interference will do anything but help.'

B'Elanna pouted, but smiled suddenly. 'Actually, that makes things so much easier - 'cause I hadn't worked out what I could do to get them together.'

Tom pulled her up from the sofa and they headed out of their quarters. 'You really are a devil, you know, B'El.'

She put an arm around his waist. 'But admit it - you wouldn't have it any other way.'

When they transported down to the lakeshore, B'Elanna thought back to the night of the waterfight.

'Has it really been a whole month?' she asked Tom.

'Hard to believe, huh? Yeah, a whole month here, without a single complaint from Kath.'

'She's finding it as hard as the rest of us to leave here, Tom.'

'I know.' They both looked around the lakeshore. Joe Carey and Vorick were, at Neelix' direction, setting up a beach volleyball set. Neelix himself was presiding over the barbecue. A bonfire was piled up, ready for later. Kathryn and Chakotay were sitting at one of the picnic tables that had been set up. 'Would you look at that?' whistled Tom. Kathryn was leaning her chin in one hand, her elbow propped on the table. Chakotay had all his attention fixed on her, both of them oblivious to the attention they were drawing.

'I told you they didn't need my help.'

'Hey, guys,' said Kit, joining them. 'B'El, I don't think Kath would want to be the center of attention like this…'

'No, you're right,' said B'Elanna. 'But what could we possibly do to divert their attention?' If Tom had been paying less attention to the Captain and Chakotay, and more attention to Kit and B'Elanna, he wouldn't have ended up being toted across the glade and dumped in the lake. He consoled himself with the thought that his resultant protests (and his immediate dunking of his wife and her best friend) shifted the crew's attention to him. It also brought Kathryn and Chakotay out of their self-absorption. They quickly left the picnic table and began to circle separately through the gathering.

A volleyball game got underway, and they each joined in, one on each team. Tom and B'Elanna, each trying to avoid another dunking, also split up for this game, Tom joining the Captain's team, B'Elanna Chakotay's.

'So, what's going on between you two?' B'Elanna asked Chakotay. 'People are noticing that there's something going on.'

'They are?' Chakotay took his eye off the ball for a moment.

'Why do you think Kit and I dunked Tom? We were trying to take the heat off you two.'

'Thoughtful of you, B'Elanna.'

The conversation halted as Chakotay dove for the ball, just getting it over the net. Tom missed the return, and B'Elanna laughed at him from her side of the net. On his side, he turned to Janeway.

'You two are causing a bit of a stir, you know.'

'Sorry?' asked Kathryn.

'You and our gallant First Officer.' After a moment's hesitation, Kathryn's eyes laughed back at Tom's grinning face.

'You know, Tom. You just may have a point.'

Tom looked back at the Captain, confused. 'Sorry?' he said, in his turn. 'I wasn't aware I was making a point.'

'Well, Tom, for once in your life, you did something worthwhile without even trying. Now, serve the ball - and keep your eye on what's happening, this time.'

After a long struggle, the Captain's team won the Volleyball match. Tom was off celebrating the team's 'victory', so B'Elanna took the opportunity to have a word with Harry, who had watched the game from the sidelines. But, in fact, Harry was way ahead of B'Elanna.

''Lana,' he asked her, as soon as she approached him, 'Did you have anything to do with all those questions Tom was asking about Kit?'

'What, me?' she said, feigning innocence. 'Well, maybe,' she admitted.

'Can't you just lay off? Kit and I are friends, and you know it.'

'Does she?'

'What are you getting at, 'Lana? I'm not good at these question and answer games you like to play.'

'It's not a game, Harry. Do you know, for certain, that she only considers you a friend? And, more importantly, if she thought of you differently, how would that change things?'

'B'El!' called Tom, from the other side of the glade. 'Soup's on!'

'I thought this was a barbecue?' said Harry.

'He's trying to be 'midwestern.' He should leave that kind of stuff to Kit - he practically grew up in San Fransisco, after all. I'd better go and get some food. But you think about what I said, okay?'

Harry watched as B'Elanna wandered across to Kit and the Captain, and hauled both women off with her to get their dinner. He did as 'Lana had told him and thought. It had all been an infatuation - then and now. Hadn't it?

The sun was beginning to sink behind the hills by the time everyone had been provided with the old-fashioned picnic food; chicken, potato salad, corn on the cob, wieners, hamburgers, and 'sloppy joes'. Chakotay grinned as he watched the repair efforts being made to clothing and faces as a result of the 'Sloppy Joes.'

'Glad you're a vegetarian?' said Kathryn's voice behind him.

'As ever! Though it does seem to cut down the options when faced with Midwest American cuisine.'

'You'd better believe it! The Midwest ain't never seen a hunk of meat it didn't like,' she replied, laughing. 'So, you survived on potato salad and corn? Glad to see it.' She rushed on, a little nervously. 'Would you like to take a walk, Chakotay? There's something we have to discuss.'

'Did you really have to ask, Kathryn?' They walked slowly along the lakeshore, and were soon hidden by the trees from the rest of the crew.

'People are noticing, Chakotay.'

'Is there anything wrong with that?'

'No.., but it makes me uneasy. I'd rather let the whole crew know, somehow, than let the gossip build and build.'

'I think that B'Elanna's doing a pretty good job of running interference at the moment. Remember when Tom went into the lake earlier? That was B'El and Kit, trying to take the pressure off, as she said.'

Kathryn sat down on a fallen log nearby. 'But how do we let people know? I don't want to make it formal.'

'That would be far too…formal,' Chakotay agreed, lamely.

'And embarrassing.'

Chakotay put his arm around her shoulders. 'And the spirits forbid you should be embarrassed.' She leaned into him, enjoying the brief feeling of security. 'Well, what do you think about dancing?'

'You know I enjoy it - when we're able to dance together.'

'Well, Neelix is planning to set up a dance floor tonight. The crew has never seen us dancing together before - do you think that might make enough of a statement?'

'Well, it sounds subtle, at least.'

'And less than painful, I assume.'

'It might even be fun.' She smiled at him.

When Chakotay and Kathryn wandered back to the party, a transformation had taken place. The volleyball court was gone, as was the barbecue and Neelix's serving area. Instead, on a flat piece of grass near the beach, fairy lights had been strung up between posts, and a band was setting up at one end.

'Voyager has a band? I thought it would be recorded music.' asked Kathryn.

'No - we have the services of the 'Jeffries Jazzers,' I believe.'

'Please tell me they don't actually try to practice in the Jeffries tubes.'

'I don't think so,' Chakotay grinned at the thought.

'Any requests, Captain?' called one of the band.

'Let me think about it for a moment,' she replied. 'I want to wait and see if they're any good, first,' she said aside to Chakotay.

Before Chakotay had a chance to respond to Kathryn's laughing remark, B'Elanna and Tom came up to them, arm in arm. 'Chakotay, what is going on tonight? You don't seem to be able to get rid of that smirk on your face.'

'A smirk, is it, B'Elanna? Yes, I do believe you're right!' said Kathryn, studying Chakotay's face intensely for a minute, laughter in her eyes. She knew why the smirk was there.

The jazz band, which had been playing softly to that point, struck up a dance tune, and Tom took B'Elanna out for 'a turn around the floor.' Contrary to Kathryn's doubts, the Jeffries Jazzers were really quite good, and between the music and the twinkling fairy lights, an atmosphere was created that even Kathryn couldn't bear to be separate from for very long. She turned to Chakotay, who was talking to Seven and the Doc. Seven had a rather quizzical look on her face, but for once Kathryn wasn't in the mood to hear her observations on humanity. Instead, she laid a hand on Chakotay's arm.

'Are you going to ask me to dance or not, Commander?'

'You are eager! Well, then….' Chakotay went up to the band leader and whispered in her ear. She smiled briefly, her eyes flicking over to where Kathryn stood, then turned to the others. Soon, they began playing a slow blues song, and Chakotay came back to Kathryn's side.

'How's that?'

'Very nice. The sort of music that just sounds romantic, even without words.' And she led him onto the dance floor.

The very sight of the Captain and First Officer dancing together caught people's attention. No matter how friendly the two had been over the years, dancing was definitely a new departure for their command team.

But what was more intriguing was the distance between them as they danced. Or rather, the lack of it. This wasn't just a dance between friends, and everyone watching knew it. Long before the end of the song, no-one else was dancing. Even B'Elanna and Tom, far better informed than the rest of the crew, if only in the last hour or so, were watching Kathryn and Chakotay. They weren't distracted by the attention, for the simple reason that both had their eyes closed, and were swaying dreamily to the music. Kathryn's head was nestled on Chakotay's shoulder, and they both looked as though they had found perfect bliss.

On the edge of the crowd, B'Elanna whispered something to Tom. He nodded and slipped away quietly.

The song ended, having been drawn out for a while by the band in any case, and Kathryn and Chakotay began to take notice of their surroundings again. The crew for their part burst into applause. Kathryn stood in the middle of her crew, with Chakotay's arms around her, blushing more furiously than anyone had ever thought she could. Before the applause died down, an even showier acclamation began - Tom's plasmaworks lit up the night sky.

B'Elanna sidled over to Kathryn and Chakotay. 'Fireworks, Kathryn?'

She didn't answer, just stared dreamily at the sky. But Chakotay answered B'Elanna with a smile. 'Fireworks.'

* * *

'Captain on the bridge,' said Tuvok, as Kathryn entered from the Turbolift. She walked straight down to the command level and remained standing as she confirmed that all departments reported ready for departure.

'Well, this is it, people. Say goodbye to The Pantry.' She grinned as she said the words, but the happiness was a little forced.

Tom grinned back at Kathryn. 'Course heading, Captain.'

'You ought to know that by now, Lieutenant.'

'Aye, Captain.' He spun in his seat. 'Course to the Alpha Quadrant laid in.'

Kathryn paused for a moment. Chakotay sensed her hesitation and held out his hand. She squeezed it gratefully, and took a deep breath.

'Engage.'

Down in sickbay, Kit felt the slight change of momentum as Voyager shifted to warp. So, they were on their way again. She thought gratefully of the pile of Holovids in her quarters, glad that she wouldn't have to totally give up the joy of 'The Pantry.' They had all had so much fun there. Now, if she could just get over this awful infatuation with Harry...

She heard the door to sickbay open, and went out to greet whoever had entered.

'Harry... Hi,' she hesitated. 'Did you need the Doc?'

'No - I wanted to talk to you, actually.'

Kit looked down at the floor for a second. Then she looked Harry straight in the eye. 'I think that's probably a good idea.'


End file.
